It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
