Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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