First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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