Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize