I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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