i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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