Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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