Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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