Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
