She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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