at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You took a bar mat shot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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