There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
