take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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