I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How does one acquire holy water?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize