i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
