don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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