I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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