you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
