Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
