How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
