oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
