I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
