giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
