Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
