these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
