So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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