the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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