i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
