They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
