She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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