Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
