She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
