This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize