I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
