He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
