...so i touched it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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