sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
