Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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