just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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