in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
