I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
