so that wasnt chicken after all
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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