happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
