guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
