i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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