My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
