I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
