I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
