Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize