Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
