and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
