Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
