how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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