You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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