i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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