Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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