it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
