Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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