I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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