Someone shit on the floor
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
