My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
