I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
