Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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