Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
