Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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