Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
