And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
