I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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