It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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