it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
