When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
