i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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