you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
