1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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