The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
