What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
