This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
