Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
