And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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