ya dads aren't the best wingmen
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
