they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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