i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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