Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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