Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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