The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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