she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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