Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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