He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize