Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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