I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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