Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
